I try to make good decisions

"I used to work a job at Papa John's
Dressed up like a pizza slice out on the lawn
And I would wave to the passers by, who would sometimes flip me off
And every morning I would wake up late
Even though my classes all started at 8.
And I would make bad excuses and wonder where my life was going.
And not a whole has changed, I mean I
Still make a laughable wage, and I
Still wear my pants too low, and my mom
Still buys a fair amount of my clothing.
Things got better and I'll tell you how.
I learned that life is not tomorrow,
No! It's happening now!
I try to make good decisions and hope they work out
And that's all."

- Justin Farren

Seeing the future

Seeing ... Pinnacles National Monument West Side.  It is so gorgeous.  The rocks jut up from the chaparral, just the right color of rust.  Then the cliffs cover you and comfort you that life is good, after all.  And the caves invite you to scramble through and make your own path through the darkness.  The scratches on your hands remind you how much fun you had.  

Also, I didn't see, but did meet Brad Young while I was on the Dos Equis in Pinnacles* this weekend.  Just my luck that he saw me during a psych-out lead climb.  Brad!

Hearing ... Bell X1 (on my pod).  Jonah Matranga (this coming weekend).  "Rope!" (the belay call for when you throw a rope down a cliff). 

Tasting ... Spaghetti with sauteed butter, broccoli, garlic, and onion.  Always fry things in butter - it makes them amazing. 

Working ... I'd like to say I'm learning how to find my place among my coworkers, but the truth is, I'm just confused by them.  I feel so out on my own.  My school is supposed to be a collaborative environment, but both Biology teachers seem so ... off in their own worlds.  I wonder what it's like to feel that secure in your job that you can start pounding your fists, saying, "This is the way it should be done!"  I've only been that adamant at Mission Springs, after I was there for 2 years and the oldest member of the staff team.  Add to that they their always-present opinions are usually for totally different approaches.  

I guess I'm also worried about how I look compared to them.  I can't seem to get them to work together, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle.  We're not getting anything done and I feel like somehow I'm supposed to fix that.  

Any advice on weathering school politics?

Reading ... About Introverts.  

Learning ... A lot.  I'm still in the first year learning curve at work.  It's getting better, and I'm getting better, but it's hard every day. I feel like I'm starting to learn how to be myself at work, though.  I have laughed in the past week at work.  I have tried random things because I had a hunch it would go well. I have written labs from scratch in about 45 minutes.  (This semester though, this technique seems to actually work....) I have maybe bitten off more than I can chew with this next lab.  However it goes, it will be a learning experience. 

Creating ... Still working on this scarf.  I keep getting off my one stitch every so often, but so far the corrections have been fairly painless and invisible.  I wonder how long it'll take. Especially during that long "knit for 42 inches" part.  

Dreaming .... Of Spring Break. It's in 3 weeks.  I'd like to camp at Yosemite Camp IV.  As a walk-in, first-come-first-serve, it tends to skew young and party-camp-ish.  I'm hoping for climbing and hiking and snowshoeing and cuddling up in a tent and reading by the fire at curry village.  It'll be great. 

Wanna come?

Pondering.... The future.  And growing up. 

A few weeks ago, at a teaching conference, the speaker said of students, "They can't see the future like we can."  That's when I realized that adults can see the future: we can predict consequences.  It's such a mind trip to think of my students, not as annoying or willfully ignorant, but as people who are simply incapable of understanding consequences.  I see a goof-off who will sit through Geometry again next year, they see only jokes to be made.  

It's hard to think that way at the later end of my 20's.  The 20's seemed to be all about learning to see the future.  Just after college, one year out was a stretch to plan.  A few years ago, I passed on Peace Corps because 2 years out seemed like just too long to understand what I'd be like when I came back.  Now, I'm trying to be intentional about 5 or 10 years down the line.  

I'm learning more about cause and effect and intentionality this year than I ever have before.  I've been through too many hungry days to not have lunch just because I didn't plan ahead.  A few years ago, I would have a "Oh crap!  What am I going to wear and eat tomorrow?!" moment...every single day. I recently hung out with some friends with the same habits.  How did I live like that?  

At the same time, though, routine and plans are not everything. I'm not used to having them.  If I am not able to pick up and go do something amazing because my habits will change, then it's time to change for change's sake.  What a weird balance to try to strike.  

Thankful for...

• Two weekends at Pinnacles in a row.  That place fills my soul, as does climbing there with old friends. 
• Friends who make the effort to visit and have adventures. 
• Learning to love High School students.  
• The grace God gives me.  Oh, how I must try his patience.  But God demonstrates his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 
• Ash Wednesday and Lent.  

*I don't know these people, but I did lead climb (most of) this route. I want to know how these people got a toprope set up!

This week the trend was...

Seeing ... Sea otters play in Moss Landing.  Stars that are truly uncountable and a horizon that approaches forever in Big Sur.  All with friends from Santa Cruz.  :)

Hearing ... I stayed over on the top half of the bay on Saturday and woke up to a familiar sound that I hadn't heard in years: the birds.  Santa Cruz birds used to greet me every morning.  I was a naturalist at the time, so I paid attention. 

I would never have realized just how familiar that place is until I heard the birdsong...and recognized it.  Not the actual birds, I still suck at identification.  But the combinations, the species, they were right.  It was almost spooky to be able to recognize such a thing.  

In honor of birdsong, I suggest checking out this video. 

Tasting ... Bogle Vinyards Zinfandel.  I recommend it.  I usually don't like wine, but this is very tasty. 

Working ... Whew!  Grades were due this week, so I felt like I was herding cats to get my kids to make up all their work.  

Also, apparently I was unclear about something pretty fundamental in the lesson of "This Is How Grades Work".  I had a student say to me, in all seriousness: "What?  We have to turn stuff in to you in here?!"  The ridiculous part, to me, is that I have this student for both Geometry and Biology...somehow they totally spaced out on the class structures in both classes.  

Reading ... Time Magazine. The Surprising Science Of Animal Friendships.  It's the cover story this week. Check it out. 

Learning ... To make logistics part of my life.  I suppose that's what living intentionally is all about.  Specifically, if I want to eat food that I made, I have to be in a habit of making it and bringing it with me places.  I have to be in a habit of going to the grocery store.  It's not going to just happen. 

Generalizing to non-eating parts of my life.  What do I want to happen?  How can I make it easy for myself to do these things? 

Creating ... Man, creating has been rather thin for the past month or so.  The lace scarf is stalled (Lace is hard!  If you get off the pattern, it's hard to recover!) The craft supplies are sitting in the storage room.  Hmm...maybe creating needs to go on the front burner.  

This week's project.  Draw something.

Dreaming .... of solitude.  I am exhausted at this moment.  The adventures have been great (and I'm about to go out for more).  But I know that once I have a moment or two to myself, my soul is going to thank me. 

Pondering... A possible second dog in the house.  My roommate is thinking about adopting this darling puppy.  So cute!